nut hugger
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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