You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just found puke in my bra..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
