So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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