You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
the raccoons are back...
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