I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
