if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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