Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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