I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
my liver is dry heaving
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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