I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
