I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
