So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
