But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
