matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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