Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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