my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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