you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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