dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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