I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
