I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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