My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
