I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
