I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
