I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I canโt shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. Itโs like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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