just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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