hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
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couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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