Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
