The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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