Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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