I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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