Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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