I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
