i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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