I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
