If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
