why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I cut my penus on the lid.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
