You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
