Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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