He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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