question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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