just come out here and I will go home with you...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
