Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
