Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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