whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
