A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
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I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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