Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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