She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
