Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
