Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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