i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
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Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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