when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
