We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
