Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
