The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
