I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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