speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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