PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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