He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
