my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
