im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
