now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
