So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
