I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
