Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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