people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
